Six important questions to ask your parents before it's too late

Brits like to avoid talking about money. Only one-in-four of us admit to feeling comfortable talking to friends about money. That number rises just slightly higher to 52% when it comes to talking about finances with family.

But there comes a time when these conversations are impossible to avoid - when a loved one passes. And something a lot of us will experience in life is losing a parent. Not having practical conversations about money could add extra stress and pressure in an already highly emotional time when a parent dies.

Things like knowing where your parent’s will is, if it’s up to date or, if they have any specific wishes for their funeral can make the process easier and can make sure nothing is overlooked.

Here are six important questions to ask your parents while you’re able to.

1. Have you updated your will?  

Almost 70% of us don’t have a will - or an up to date one - according to the charity Will Aid.

Without a will, when a person dies their estate (which is the total value of their assets, money, property and possessions minus any debts) is divided up by using the rules of intestacy. This means if someone was married or in a civil partnership, the partner can inherit the estate, even if they were separated but still married. The estate will also be divided between any existing children if it’s worth more than £322,000.

However, this can be complicated, especially if a relationship has changed, there are children from older or newer partners, or if the person wanted their estate to go somewhere completely different - to a charity, for example.

Writing a will and keeping it up to date is the only real way for a parent (or anyone) to make sure their estate goes where they want it when they die. It can also help when it comes to Inheritance Tax (IHT) planning.

Within a will you can also include your wishes after you die when it comes to your funeral, if you want to have one.

Once a parent has set up a will, or updated one, make sure they’ve told you where they keep it or have given you details of the person or company where it was written.

2. Who’s named as your power of attorney?

Appointing a Power of Attorney comes hand-in-hand with will writing. It allows a person to name a trusted family member or friend to manage their financial and medical affairs if they’re not able to.

There are two types of Power of Attorney you can take out:

They’re both legal documents and allow another person to make decisions for you if you lose the capacity to do so.

Without these documents, if a parent were to lose capacity - they’re in an accident, for example, or have a stroke or heart attack - the process for another person managing their finances, or having a say on their medical needs, is a lengthy one and it needs to go through a court.

3. Have you nominated your pension beneficiaries?

After property, pensions are often the most valuable asset that people have.

While pensions can be mentioned in a will, they aren’t technically counted as part of a person’s estate. When deciding what happens to pension money after death, pension providers will often look to their nominated beneficiaries rather than who’s named in their will. 

Having beneficiaries named and keeping them updated can make things much clearer at the time of death. So, as well as asking about their will, it’s also worth making sure your parents have specified who they want as their pension beneficiary with their provider. 

It’s worth noting that the rules around pension benefits after death can be complicated. So as well as nominating beneficiaries, it’s important that your parents know the rules for the type of pension they have.‍

4. What music will be played at your funeral?

An estimated 33 million adults in Britain have experienced bereavement in the last five years, according to research from the Co-Op. It can be hard to plan a funeral, or any other event when someone dies, if you don’t know what they’d have wanted.

Asking a parent in advance can save you the extra stress and worry of planning it when they die.

It’s a deeply emotive subject so consider picking a quiet, calm moment when you won’t be interrupted.

You may want to ask them if they actually want a funeral, if they have any preferences on a burial or cremation, or music and readings.

It’s helpful to know that these are all things they can put down as wishes in their will if they don’t want to talk about them in advance.

5. Where are important documents kept?

This is an often overlooked but important question to ask and can save you from a lot of extra admin and sifting through paperwork when a parent dies.

You may want to ask where the following documents are, so you can easily find them if the time comes:

Many accounts will be password locked, so you’ll need these as well. If a parent isn’t comfortable handing these over, there are systems which can be set up whereby you can have access to the accounts and passwords only when they die or lose capacity.

6. What are your most important memories and life experiences?

While this question isn’t about finance or paperwork, it’s still an important one to ask when you can.

You may have a very close relationship with your parent(s) and already know most of their important memories and experiences. If not, and they’re happy to tell you, consider asking them before it’s too late.

Here are a few ideas of experiences they might want to share with you.

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Rebecca Goodman is a freelance Personal Finance Journalist. She regularly writes for several national newspapers including the Independent, the Mail on Sunday, the Sun, and the Guardian along with a number of specialist publications. 

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